Sunday, February 28, 2010

Global warming hoax!

Of course, we skeptics know that globe warming is a hoax, orchestrated by Jim Hansen and Al Gore to establish the World Socialist Collective. But how did it all come to pass, given that the basic physics of the greenhouse effect have been known for centuries? Now, for the first time, heroic skeptic bloggers led by yours truly have acquired diaries and other documents that allow the story to finally be told. The truth is even darken than you ever imagined:

The year was 1824. Jean Baptiste Fourier sat stooped over in his study, when he felt a thrill of fear at the approach of a rasping, metal-on-metal sound. All too soon, the Grand Wizard appeared before him.

"Sir Newton" Fourier asked with a slight shiver of fear, wondering if he would ever get used to the unnatural steam-powered apparatus that prolonged the life of Isaac, the greatest of the European Illuminata. "How may your humble servant assist you?"

"Fourier, we need you to fabricate something called a "greenhouse effect" saying that CO2 warms the planet."

"CO2!" Fourier was shocked. "But it's a harmless trace gas!"

"I know, Fourier, and of course, all clear-thinking minds know intuitively that a large and important effect cannot proceed from a small cause. To maintain this deception, we will have the falsify vast amount of scientific data for the next two centuries. But we must convince the ignorant that this is so."

"But my master, why?"

"Wheels within wheels, my son. Wheels within wheels."

Flash forward to 1989. James Hansen is in his lab, working on Vensuvian climatology. Steven Hawking enters, making use, far from the prying eyes of the public, of the cybernetic body suit designed for him by Robert Noyce in Atlantis.

"It's time, James. All our work with Fourier, Tyndall, Arrhenius and thousands of lesser scientists in about to bear fruit. You – you will have the honor of unveiling to the public the theory of anthropogenic global warming!"

"I still don't understand, Hawk. Why must we go forward with this deception? What will it achieve?"

"Don't you understand yet, James? All our preparations and planning has been for this – to give the world no choice but to raise taxes!"

"But why?"

"To destroy the Earth! After which I will return to the use of my family name, Darvos, and be free to design a race of pitiless cyborgs to enslave the galaxy! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! "

3 comments:

  1. Well said :)

    A Robert Merkel said
    http://larvatusprodeo.net/2010/03/05/climate-change-and-climate-science/
    “the idea that relatively poorly-resourced environmentalists and climate scientists could effectively, and secretly, construct an entire flawed scientific discipline, just to take down the profit centers of many of the world’s biggest and most powerful companies, shouldn’t even meet the laugh test.”

    True enough, but yours did make me laugh :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. WHAT. THE. FUCK. PEOPLE.

    Seriously, cut the conspiracy shite out okay.

    I know some of the scientists involved in studying climate change as I was lectured and taught by them at university. Man made Climate change is not something to fuck about with. Fucking hell I have read some shit over the last page.

    First of all, separate the real issue of climate change and business/politics.

    Business and Politics - Governments are using the issue of climate to sway public opinion that they actually give a fuck about what is happening so you vote for them like feeble brained sheep clapping like seals begging for fish, like the majority of the x-factor loving moronic public. In the case of business, making fucking shit loads of money from feeble minded dip shit public in giving there money away in the belief that they are doing something good to save the environment (which they are to tiny degree, but it so insignificant to what needs to be done), so that greedy fucking investors can get a cozy little return on their investments by feeding off peoples good nature and thinking they are doing something right. Anyone who thinks that governments and companies are taking the fucking piss, I agree with, it is totally fucking wrong and hypocritical and something I hate with so much passion, SO DON'T CONFUSE MAN MADE CLIMATE CHANGE WITH THESE NASTY EVIL SELF IMPORTANT ****ISH POLITICIANS AND BUSINESS MEN, it is that fucking simple.

    Man made climate change - Is a serious fucking issue and a major concern to scientists who actually give a fuck about that future of this planet, what happens to you and me and our children and our generations to come. They don't suddenly wake up one morning thinking "fuck me, I might come up with some complete bollocks today just for the fun of it today". Man made climate change is a serious issue and if you actually really understood the seriousness of the effects of what is very likely possible you would shit your self rotten, it is really is that fucking scarey, especially when all the warnings signs are here. But the dumbass twats who read the fucking "The Sun" or some other newspaper that argue that happens all the time in nature or the world is going to cool for 20 years or whatever the next glorified fucked up headline is, they just have not got a fucking clue. Don't you think the scientists actually fucking know this already? The warning signs are all around us, changes to time of year trees bloom or leaves fall in the autumn, changes to migration patterns and arrival and departure dates of migrants, changes to the time of the year that insects emerge from the winter sleep, when the rains arrive and how heavy they are in a monsoon, all these and a million other small and tiny subtle changes that are occurring and being monitored by people who give a fucking shit, that is climate change. Not some fucking overnight disaster that you see in the movies, it is the tiny little subtle things that build up over time that no-one ever notices and by the time we do, it is too fucking late. AND WHY? because the vast majority of the public are to busy being fucking raped and swallowing the next bollocks load of shit supplied by society and ****ish corporations to keep them entertained, so they end up not give a fucking shit. The results of which are for more serious than you can possibly fucking imagine.

    FOR THE 100TH TIME, IT IS NOT THE FUCKING NATURAL VARIATION IN THE EARTHS CLIMATE THAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM, IT IS THE UNNATURAL MAN MADE VARIATION OUT SIDE OF THIS FUCKING NORMAL VARIATION, THAT IS THE PROBLEM.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't you understand yet, James? All our preparations and planning has been for this – to give the world no choice but to raise taxes!Cheap League of Legends Account

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    ReplyDelete